Modern Convenience

Today while exiting the Staples store I was trailing a tall, geeky looking fellow, a man that looked like a cross between Greg Ostertag and Bill Gates. He was walking very briskly and was determined to reach the exit doors no matter what obstacles stood in his way.

Lucky for me, I wasn't in the way.

Unlucky for him, there was something in his way.

Lucky for me, there was something in his way.

Are you dying with anticipation?

Anyway, to change the subject slightly, have you ever noticed the sign on automatic doors? The one that reads,  "Automatic CAUTION Door"

I have always found those signs kind of silly, first of all because they stick the word "caution" in a funny spot between the title of the door, and secondly, because it's just a door. It goes swish and opens for you and then "swish" and closes behind you. Now i could understand a sign that read, "Wild CAUTION Tiger" or "Escaped CAUTION Serial Killer" or even "Practicing CAUTION Dentist" because each of them poses some sort of threat to mankind, but an Automatic Door? What harm could there be?

By now you have probably figured out where this post is going, so for your sake as well as mine i am skipping the Intermission and going straight to the Finale.

Bill Ostertag continued his bee-line towards the door, which began to respond with it's usual swish, but all that it could get out was a swiii- because before the door was fully swished, Greg Gates smashed into it.

Yep, his final stride took him from the edge of the sensor's sight into the door itself, I watched with anticipation as his face hit the glass and took a moment to ponder, what happens in a situation like this? I didnt wonder long, for the boring and uneventful swish never finished, but was replaced by a loud KA-chunk! followed by a suprised grunt from Basketball Bill. Not pausing to survey the door, which had been knocked off it's track, the Nerdy Green Giant just continued on his way... and I squeezed throught the half opened doors with a smile on my face and a fantastic story to blog about.