Modern Convenience

Today while exiting the Staples store I was trailing a tall, geeky looking fellow, a man that looked like a cross between Greg Ostertag and Bill Gates. He was walking very briskly and was determined to reach the exit doors no matter what obstacles stood in his way.

Lucky for me, I wasn't in the way.

Unlucky for him, there was something in his way.

Lucky for me, there was something in his way.

Are you dying with anticipation?

Anyway, to change the subject slightly, have you ever noticed the sign on automatic doors? The one that reads,  "Automatic CAUTION Door"

I have always found those signs kind of silly, first of all because they stick the word "caution" in a funny spot between the title of the door, and secondly, because it's just a door. It goes swish and opens for you and then "swish" and closes behind you. Now i could understand a sign that read, "Wild CAUTION Tiger" or "Escaped CAUTION Serial Killer" or even "Practicing CAUTION Dentist" because each of them poses some sort of threat to mankind, but an Automatic Door? What harm could there be?

By now you have probably figured out where this post is going, so for your sake as well as mine i am skipping the Intermission and going straight to the Finale.

Bill Ostertag continued his bee-line towards the door, which began to respond with it's usual swish, but all that it could get out was a swiii- because before the door was fully swished, Greg Gates smashed into it.

Yep, his final stride took him from the edge of the sensor's sight into the door itself, I watched with anticipation as his face hit the glass and took a moment to ponder, what happens in a situation like this? I didnt wonder long, for the boring and uneventful swish never finished, but was replaced by a loud KA-chunk! followed by a suprised grunt from Basketball Bill. Not pausing to survey the door, which had been knocked off it's track, the Nerdy Green Giant just continued on his way... and I squeezed throught the half opened doors with a smile on my face and a fantastic story to blog about.

Blog-na

So here I sit.

Looking mournfully out at the snow, and remembering last year, when I was in Michigan, complaining that spring never came.

I just got through presenting the lifecycle of a nonexistant handheld can opener, I instructed the class that the can opener was made of High Impact ABS plastic and was not intended for use underwater. These are the things that memories are made of...

Other than that i really have nothing to talk about, im simply no good at this blogging thing, in fact page 1893 of Proper Blogging Content mentions me specifically as a shoddy bogger. Im apparently on "the list" and once you are on "the list," it is nearly impossible to get off...

Pizza for Breakfast

So a college kid's life is certainly an odd one. This morning, for example, I had pizza for breakfast. I walked right into the food court at 9:00a.m. and was instantly assaulted by our friendly asian lady who works the counter at the Pizza Shak.

"How ah' you today? You want some pizz-ah?"
"I'm fine thanks, how are you?"
"How ah' you today? You want some pizz-ah?"
"Uh... yes. yes I would."
"How ah' you today? You want some pizz-ah?"
"Pepperoni please."
"How ah' you today? You..."

And so on... until I took my pizza up to the nice cashier lady, paid for it, and watched the "Chronicles of Riddick Trailer" while I ate my pizza it with a fork. This is basically my schedule once per week, the other days of the week i just skip breakfast... I wonder what my doctor would say about that?

The best part about the whole thing is that i just barely had granola and yogurt for lunch...

Jobless

I have just spent the past hour searching the internet, and the undernet, and the outernet, and all the nets that i can get my hands on, for job listings in Logan ut. I am here to testify, THERE ARE NO JOBS HERE!

Since when is it all about "who you know?" Where on earth did that come from? I know there has got to be a job up here, but i just dont have the right connections to get it. Is it always gonna be that way? I guess that's why families are getting closer together, it's no longer about my competence as an employee. it's who's dad knows my dad... Which is ok if i want a job with in the Battle Creek stake. Or at a Spa Company.

Otherwise, I'm just gonna have to trudge out on my own... become the man that everybody wants to hire! Employers will flock to me! I will have job offers coming upon me as the dews from heav'n distilling! Yeah... now if i can just figure out how to get to that point...

I'm Having a Dipole Moment

Today's post is simply because I want to write something. First off, I had a wonderful weekend with my beautiful fiance. I had the opportunity to attend one of her FIVE wedding showers... It was certainly a well done party, I felt a little out of place, (obviously) but soon enoughthe ladies got used to the idea that i wasnt going to simply disappear, and the angry looks subsided.

We also got to go to the Draper temple dedication, which was absolutely amazing. I felt the power of the spirit testify to my heart that this church is true. I also felt so right sitting with my amsy... I cant wait for may 2...

Wedding Lore

So who was the first couple to have a reception? Who was the first bride to heave her bouquet over her head and into the horde of unmarried screaming ladies who each secretely hate the bride for getting married before them. And who on earth came up with the wedding line?

Wedding traditions seem to have existed from the beginning of time, but honestly if Adam and Eve were able to get married while naked in a jungle, where on earth did we come up with what we've got now. Wedding pictures, engagement pictures, bridal pictures, pictures of the temple, pictures of the parents, pictures of the uncles, pictures of the aunts... the uncle's aunt and the aunt's ulcers!

I suppose it is all a one package deal, if you want to marry the girl you love you simply have to decorate the gym and wheel in the larger than life chocolate fountain replica of the "Fontana Dei Quattro Fiumi" (Fountain of the Four Rivers) If I get my amsy for time and eternity after that, then it's all worth it!

Potto' gold

So, honestly I've never gotten that into St. Patricks day, I am one of those people Katy talked about in her blog that ignore some holidays. I think it all stems back from first grade, standing in a row with 30 other poor classmates singing an irish jig with a stupid paper beard and a funny hat, and all the while there are no presents or candy to be found. It's just gloomy mid march...

Why dont we celebrate something else around this time? I mean it is the Ides of March... That's a cool thing to celebrate. The ides of march means March 15, and it is the infamous day of Julius Caeser's assasination. The First despot of Rome! We should can the whole green thing and go with togas. The pot of gold becomes a heather wreath, and the little leprechauns become cute little conspirators, ready to assasinate anyone at a moments notice. The pinching would have to give way to mock stabbing. "Haha! Your not wearing a heather wreath! Take this!" "Et tu, Brute?" I can see this becoming a great family tradition.