Discovery of Failure

Today I would like to discuss the recent rocket test launch in the west desert that was held yesterday. I, sadly, didnt make it to the launch, but i was very excited to hear how it went.

For those of you not in the know, ATK, a local aerospace company, is working on a new Ares Booster rocket, one that NASA was going to buy from them, and since ATK is a relatively local company they planned on testing this new rocket in the west desert, Box Elder Co.

As you can see, HUNDREDS of people showed up for this event. The actual count was upward of 10,000. We were encouraged by Alfonzo our gay physx professor to arrive before 11 am for a good seat to see the "test launch."

Of course he was there before 6am

Here is his story, retold in my own words, meaning without his "cute" lisp and funny descriptions and with my own personal spin of ironic sarcasm.

The ten thousand people sat in the blistering desert heat as the timer slowly counted down the minutes to the test launch. They all sat in camp chairs and many of them had bumberchutes (Robins for "Umberella") to try to keep the sun off.

The final countdown for a launch usually ticks off at T-60 seconds (T meaning launch time minus sixty seconds.) Usually at T-30 the crowd starts to get excited. At the T-20 mark the countdown starts to do the familiar 20, 19, 18... All the way down to 1 BLASTOFF! and then the superbowl begins and costume failures run amok.

But this time the clock stuck at T-20. Ten thousand red-blooded and sand ecrusted americans stare in awe at... nothing.

The little thingy that does the thingy that makes the thingy work didnt work.

10,000 people walked back to their cars with nothing to show for their time but a sunburn, and NASA threw another 75 million of taxpayers dollars down the pooper.

Now I'm glad i didnt go.

Another amazing breakthrough in science and discovery.

Skoolin' mackes Me Samrt!

I have a beef, and I have a blog.

Beef meets blog, blog meets beef.

Is there a rule somewhere in college professor applications that the professors either have to be stone dead boring, or alternatively psycho beyond belief.

There is no middle ground.

My History Prof. for example is a walking fashion Faux Pas! (And that is coming from me!) The man has come to class both days so far wearing:

Dress Shirt,

Skinny Raggy Jeans

Sandals

The ugliest ties ever.

Now maybe im just a little prejudice against history teachers in general, but this guy takes the cake, my Physx prof is almost certainly GAY and my Creative Arts teacher talks to us like we're primary kids. Where have all the normal people gone?

Oh, that's right, BYU.

-Samm

Modern Convenience

Today while exiting the Staples store I was trailing a tall, geeky looking fellow, a man that looked like a cross between Greg Ostertag and Bill Gates. He was walking very briskly and was determined to reach the exit doors no matter what obstacles stood in his way.

Lucky for me, I wasn't in the way.

Unlucky for him, there was something in his way.

Lucky for me, there was something in his way.

Are you dying with anticipation?

Anyway, to change the subject slightly, have you ever noticed the sign on automatic doors? The one that reads,  "Automatic CAUTION Door"

I have always found those signs kind of silly, first of all because they stick the word "caution" in a funny spot between the title of the door, and secondly, because it's just a door. It goes swish and opens for you and then "swish" and closes behind you. Now i could understand a sign that read, "Wild CAUTION Tiger" or "Escaped CAUTION Serial Killer" or even "Practicing CAUTION Dentist" because each of them poses some sort of threat to mankind, but an Automatic Door? What harm could there be?

By now you have probably figured out where this post is going, so for your sake as well as mine i am skipping the Intermission and going straight to the Finale.

Bill Ostertag continued his bee-line towards the door, which began to respond with it's usual swish, but all that it could get out was a swiii- because before the door was fully swished, Greg Gates smashed into it.

Yep, his final stride took him from the edge of the sensor's sight into the door itself, I watched with anticipation as his face hit the glass and took a moment to ponder, what happens in a situation like this? I didnt wonder long, for the boring and uneventful swish never finished, but was replaced by a loud KA-chunk! followed by a suprised grunt from Basketball Bill. Not pausing to survey the door, which had been knocked off it's track, the Nerdy Green Giant just continued on his way... and I squeezed throught the half opened doors with a smile on my face and a fantastic story to blog about.

Blog-na

So here I sit.

Looking mournfully out at the snow, and remembering last year, when I was in Michigan, complaining that spring never came.

I just got through presenting the lifecycle of a nonexistant handheld can opener, I instructed the class that the can opener was made of High Impact ABS plastic and was not intended for use underwater. These are the things that memories are made of...

Other than that i really have nothing to talk about, im simply no good at this blogging thing, in fact page 1893 of Proper Blogging Content mentions me specifically as a shoddy bogger. Im apparently on "the list" and once you are on "the list," it is nearly impossible to get off...

Pizza for Breakfast

So a college kid's life is certainly an odd one. This morning, for example, I had pizza for breakfast. I walked right into the food court at 9:00a.m. and was instantly assaulted by our friendly asian lady who works the counter at the Pizza Shak.

"How ah' you today? You want some pizz-ah?"
"I'm fine thanks, how are you?"
"How ah' you today? You want some pizz-ah?"
"Uh... yes. yes I would."
"How ah' you today? You want some pizz-ah?"
"Pepperoni please."
"How ah' you today? You..."

And so on... until I took my pizza up to the nice cashier lady, paid for it, and watched the "Chronicles of Riddick Trailer" while I ate my pizza it with a fork. This is basically my schedule once per week, the other days of the week i just skip breakfast... I wonder what my doctor would say about that?

The best part about the whole thing is that i just barely had granola and yogurt for lunch...

Jobless

I have just spent the past hour searching the internet, and the undernet, and the outernet, and all the nets that i can get my hands on, for job listings in Logan ut. I am here to testify, THERE ARE NO JOBS HERE!

Since when is it all about "who you know?" Where on earth did that come from? I know there has got to be a job up here, but i just dont have the right connections to get it. Is it always gonna be that way? I guess that's why families are getting closer together, it's no longer about my competence as an employee. it's who's dad knows my dad... Which is ok if i want a job with in the Battle Creek stake. Or at a Spa Company.

Otherwise, I'm just gonna have to trudge out on my own... become the man that everybody wants to hire! Employers will flock to me! I will have job offers coming upon me as the dews from heav'n distilling! Yeah... now if i can just figure out how to get to that point...

I'm Having a Dipole Moment

Today's post is simply because I want to write something. First off, I had a wonderful weekend with my beautiful fiance. I had the opportunity to attend one of her FIVE wedding showers... It was certainly a well done party, I felt a little out of place, (obviously) but soon enoughthe ladies got used to the idea that i wasnt going to simply disappear, and the angry looks subsided.

We also got to go to the Draper temple dedication, which was absolutely amazing. I felt the power of the spirit testify to my heart that this church is true. I also felt so right sitting with my amsy... I cant wait for may 2...